Baggage Claim

I saw an amazing quote once on an AIM away message. And while I am skeptical of any away message wisdom, this one caught me off guard by its simplicity and its truth. "It doesn't matter if you've checked your baggage if you're still holding onto the claim ticket." I've done a lot of soul searching and questioning this past year and I think I finally understand humanity. Human beings are essentially a hurt pile of emotion looking for acceptance and validation wherever they will find it. And unfortunately we all still hold onto the hurt and rejection we've experienced over the years.

I know some will be skeptical of this viewpoint and say it's very pessimistic but I disagree with their claims of everything being wonderful and right. I look back at ALL of the fights I have had with my girlfriends, family, etc. and it all boils down to one thing, validation/acceptance.

My main problem when it comes to offending other people is that I expect everyone to know that they are always invited and always welcome. To me, friendship is about an all inclusive party where everyone can come together and enjoy the experience. There doesn't need to be RSVPs, emails, invitations (mind you I love to organize this way but just because you aren't on the email doesn't mean you are purposefully being excluded.) I have no problem with an extra friend or their friend coming along as long as there is enough time to plan out the important stuff i.e. reservations, food, tickets, etc. I also have no trouble asking if I may partake in an activity if I so choose to participate. I do need to realize that not everyone is as shameless and brazen as I can be.

What I've noticed to be the most hurtful thing in the world to people is exclusivity. You see people rearranging their entire lifestyles to be accepted to into the society they want to be a part of. Private school even if it costs you half your salary? You better believe if it will get Junior into the Ivy's many parents would stop at nothing to get it done. The problem with exclusivity in friendship is that it makes everyone around those two or three feel so inferior that they no longer wish to hang out with that clique. It doesn't matter the size of the group whether it's male, female or a combination of the two, the point is if you're creating this exclusivity you're making those around you feel insecure and unwanted. What does that matter to you? Those that you love and hang out with will make less and less effort to be around the exclusive group. You want to hang out with just each other? Fine because we're not going there. No one's self-esteem needs to take that big of a hit.

So my advice to anyone is that you may not realize it, but sometimes by creating little inside jokes and all other things we tend to do in close relationships can create tension. While it's fine to use your inside jokes when it's just the group with whom the inside joke belongs to, using them outside of that clique only serves to create insecurity, jealousy, and hurt.