Why Men Love B*%$#es

My wonderful friend told me I had to read this relationship book. And read it I did. Almost 241 pages in one night. It's an easy ready, very entertaining, and very insightful. While I know some of the points are overdramatized the message is the same. No self-respecting man wants to be with a woman who can't value and respect herself.

It's really quite fascinating that we, as women grow up in such a weird way. We hate when our girlfriends devalue themselves for a man, we cringe if a guy comes across as too needy, and we wouldn't dare date a loser if our lives depended on it. However, when it comes to our own dating situation we fall victim to the same habits and traits previously described.

Why is it as women we cannot see that we don't like clingy men, so we probably shouldn't be clingy women? When have you ever heard someone say that the needy chick or the desparate girl was attractive? Why is it if a guy has no outside interests or opinions or drive we can't find him attractive but when we get into relationships we drop our friends, drop our activities, stay by the phone waiting for his call? We don't voice our opinions because they may not be what he feels and we think that being this way is attractive to him.

My favorite part of the book was early on. The talented writer so wonderfully observed, "I have yet to see a men's magazine lay out recipes for guys to make you a four course meal. The closest I've seen was in the fitness section and it combined egg whites with wheat germ." The point she's trying to make and the one that my friend told me as well is we should be mirrors in our relationship. While that does NOT mean we should dress alike, have the same interests and be exactly alike, it does mean you should never give more than you receive.

I have the chronic problem of giving more than I receive. I am willing to bend over backwards for friends, guys, bosses, give everything until I feel drained and then not only do I suffer, my relationships suffer as well. I am no longer the fun, happy person I once was that attracted my friends to befriend me, guys to hang out with me, and my bosses to look at me as an equal. I devalued myself by not respecting myself.

Another point in the book was about a girl whose boyfriend treated her so badly she told him she was going home right once she was finished doing his laundry. He told the author, "I would have valued and respected her so much more if she had just said screw you and walked out." His point? Why do you allow him to treat you like crap and then still do him favors?

I think it has something to do with how women are raised. Men are not stupid, and it pains me to say that women have let men shape them. Why do women give so much in the beginning of the relationship when men are giving little? How can we then expect him to give more for the exact same amount that he was receiving before? The old saying is "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" Why would any logical man make any effort if you're doing all the work for him?

I came to realize that men are not the enemy and they are not all @$&holes. What they really are is hard to say because we don't want to. They're intelligent and lazy. And they know exactly how much work they have to do in order to get what they want. I used to think that was selfish, but in reality it's practical. Why go to the moon and back if some girl is willing to let you have whatever you want whenever you want.