Death And All His Friends

There are certain events in life we don't imagine having to deal with before a certain point in time. We never imagine having to say good-bye to our classmates when they pass away just a few years after graduating high school. We always imagine our parents there to walk us down the aisle, hold our hands at the hospital to welcome their grandchildren and be there with their everlasting wisdom when times are tough. And I know that my parents would tell me that they will never be ready if one of their children died before them. We seem to take certain events in our life for granted.

I have known this family for years. His mother was my brother's boss, mentor, and friend. His older brother was on the swim team with my brother and they were close friends. This young man was a classmate of mine, and a friend since we were very young. We went to high school together and he was a good guy. He was very in shape and athletic, not someone you would typically expect to have heart problems. A few years after high school and co-worker told me that my friend had passed away in his sleep. His parents were out of town and the two brothers threw a raging party. He passed out and his brother cleaned up. The next morning he didn't wake up. His parents came home to find their youngest child dead. I don't know what kind of grief and heartache they had, and I hope I never have to find out. And I hope my parents never have to find out.

This past year a classmate and teammate of mine from high school was dealt a similar hand. Her older brother passed away in his sleep. He was also in great shape, very healthy and happy. It didn't make sense. She was so shaken to her core she moved back to Colorado, broke off her engagement and is now dating one of his best friends. Neither of these two boys had a chance to grow up, to see their full potential. They didn't get to contribute to the world all that I know they had to offer.

Yesterday, my best friend told me that she was about to experience the kind of heartache that I have only had nightmares about. Her childhood best friend was about to experience the loss of a parent. And as I read her email telling me the shape of the night, the 'sending service' and her friend asking all the questions I would imagine I would ask, it makes me wonder why do bad things happen to good people? Why do we take life for granted until tragedy occurs? Do we tell the people we love the way we feel often enough? Do we take enough chances?

I guess it was a wake up call. In my life my biggest fear was rejection and humiliation. Now my biggest fear is not living. I hope I never again 'play it safe' to avoid getting hurt. If I were to encounter the same fate as any one of the wonderful people mentioned, I hope that I can leave here knowing I lived as much of my life as I possibly could. That I never shy away from an experience that may be difficult, but in the end worth it. I want to tell the people that matter the most to me that I love them. I want to make a difference on one person's life, and let people make a difference in my life. I'm sorry it just took such an awful, heartbreaking experience of one of my best friends for me to wake up to life again.