And I'm Back

My apologies for being away from the technological world for so long. I've been very busy getting my life ready to move to Minneapolis' Uptown.

So I've been cleaning out my room/apartment and trying to sort my life out at the same time. I've gotten advice for all sorts of people with very different viewpoints throughout the year, and I've come to some conclusions finally.

The past year I've struggled with confrontation and addressing people if they are hurting me, annoying me, etc. I've been told by some friends I need to address every issue to avoid it from happening in the future. I've been told by some friends to pick my battles, that every issue is not worth discussing. And I have obviously heard from some friends to just 'get over it'. I finally asked my mom about it. That's a lie. I was complaining to her about a situation and that I didn't know what to do. She told me to 'grow up' and get over it. That I should become better at confronting people but that I have to also realize that doesn't just 'poof' solve problems. Because not only are people sensitive to being criticized but some behaviors are so deep (20 some years of a habit) that me saying it bothers me will not necessarily make it change. That part of being an adult is not only asking people to change, be willing to change yourself, and be able to understand that some things just won't change no matter how many times it is discussed. So now I've decided new city, new start. I'm picking my battles and little things are not going to bother me anymore. Big things = discussion. Otherwise time to live and let go.

The next lesson I've learned has been more second hand. There has been a lot of heartache, death, sickness, trouble in my loved ones' lives lately. There are a few phrases that have stuck with me whenever I'm in a spot where I feel like it's hard to go on. The first is "Tough times don't last, tough people do." What goes up must go down. But what goes down must come back up. The person I'm most impressed with has been a friend of mine. The same friend who's sister had trouble, then her aunt found out she has breast cancer and the day of the procedure her uncle found out he had testicular cancer. She recently suffered a bad break up sort of thing and rebounded less than 24 hours later. I thought it might take weeks but as I told her what my mother told me, "Life is shit and it doesn't get any easier. It's tough day in and day out. The difference is we learn how to deal with it better." It's true - life isn't about to get any easy, so we can either let it break us down or we can figure out a way to go mano a mano with it. The good news is that we can equip ourselves with good friends, good shoes, retail therapy, vacations and most importantly Ben & Jerry's. So if life isn't where you want it to be right now the good news is that it's more in your hands than you realize, and the even better news is that sooner or later it will get better.

The last thing I have realized is there are always people out there who are going to try and make you feel bad about yourself so they can feel good about themselves. The bad news is that these people are not just enemies, they are also acquaintences, friends, or what one might call a friend. It might be hard to spot them at first, because sometimes they can appear to be great people but over time they will slowly attack you. First it will be a snide comment here, a condescending remark there and grow to criticizing you in public, insulting you, etc. And you'll find yourself in an odd position, because first your feelings, self-esteem, etc will take a huge hit. Then you'll start to question why you are friends with the person, and then you'll ask yourself what they bring to the friendship. My friend Lindsey told me to ask myself a question whenever I am questioning a friendship whether at work, at home, or from Colorado. I have a lot of nice friends, although sometimes they aren't always nice to me. And Lindsey told me that nice is overrated. And if everyone else thinks they're nice than everyone else can be friends with them, but I don't have to be. I found that to be very interesting and insightful. She said to question what are they bringing to the table, a thought we're taught since we are young is selfish and rude. But she said at the end of the day everyone is looking out for #1, and if I'm looking out for other people I'm going to be the only one with my back not covered.

So hopefully my lessons learned are some you have learned, are learning or can learn about through my trials and tribulations. I plan on being on here a lot more often come move in day!