We've all done it. It's nothing to be proud of, and yet it's definitely something that is a part of life. We've hurt the ones we're supposedly closest to. We say hurtful things, we do harmful things, we say supposedly supportive things in a negative way. The question is, why do we do these things?
I've been on the receiving end as often as I've been the person doing the damage. And for the most part, the person who has hurt me the most I know I have probably hurt the most as well. This person is someone I would call a friend, and likewise. So why is it that we both treat each other this way? Why do I treat some of my 'enemies' better? I am honest and forthright about why I don't like certain individuals. Why can't I do that with all my friends?
I have a theory that not all good friends are supposed to become great, even best friends. That some people's personalities just don't work well together, that there will be certain people who claim to be there for us but will take a jab at us whenever the opportunity arises, and then we will do the same to them, and the cycle continues.
Do real friends hurt their friends on purpose? Or is this a sign that the two should not be friends at all? Could it be that there are unresolved issues, that the passive aggressive behavior stems from the lack of confrontation? Now confrontation seems so hostile, but it really derives from confronting an issue head on before it becomes a problem by being direct, honest, and open to change. That one actually cares about the outcome, the future, and wants to fix it rather than sweep it under a rug.
Confrontation is something that I would like to be better at, something that I think would allow me to have better relationships with every person in my life, my family, friends, etc. I was told it's a rite of passage in your 20's to learn how to confront situations and understand that it doesn't hurt people more, but rather the opposite. We all believe that telling someone that we don't like something about them is hurtful. But how much more hurtful is it to say cutting remarks to the person? Or talk about them behind their back? Or roll your eyes and sigh every time they do it? Worse yet, avoid spending time with them because that habit drives you up the wall?
My goal this year is to become more direct and honest about everything. I know at first some people are going to be hurt. And I do apologize for that, however, in the long run I think that having my thoughts, words and actions in allignment can only bring happiness and peace to me and hopefully those around me.
I've been on the receiving end as often as I've been the person doing the damage. And for the most part, the person who has hurt me the most I know I have probably hurt the most as well. This person is someone I would call a friend, and likewise. So why is it that we both treat each other this way? Why do I treat some of my 'enemies' better? I am honest and forthright about why I don't like certain individuals. Why can't I do that with all my friends?
I have a theory that not all good friends are supposed to become great, even best friends. That some people's personalities just don't work well together, that there will be certain people who claim to be there for us but will take a jab at us whenever the opportunity arises, and then we will do the same to them, and the cycle continues.
Do real friends hurt their friends on purpose? Or is this a sign that the two should not be friends at all? Could it be that there are unresolved issues, that the passive aggressive behavior stems from the lack of confrontation? Now confrontation seems so hostile, but it really derives from confronting an issue head on before it becomes a problem by being direct, honest, and open to change. That one actually cares about the outcome, the future, and wants to fix it rather than sweep it under a rug.
Confrontation is something that I would like to be better at, something that I think would allow me to have better relationships with every person in my life, my family, friends, etc. I was told it's a rite of passage in your 20's to learn how to confront situations and understand that it doesn't hurt people more, but rather the opposite. We all believe that telling someone that we don't like something about them is hurtful. But how much more hurtful is it to say cutting remarks to the person? Or talk about them behind their back? Or roll your eyes and sigh every time they do it? Worse yet, avoid spending time with them because that habit drives you up the wall?
My goal this year is to become more direct and honest about everything. I know at first some people are going to be hurt. And I do apologize for that, however, in the long run I think that having my thoughts, words and actions in allignment can only bring happiness and peace to me and hopefully those around me.
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