Harassment and the Workplace

If you haven't heard about the female reporter Ines Sainz and her allegations of harassment against the New York Jets; I must ask you, "Where the heck have you been?" This issue is always a sticky one, and a conversation with my friend and fellow CWGAP writer has inspired me to write about my feelings regarding this issue. Buckle up, this piece is going to be long, there's no way to explain how I feel in a short piece.

There are so many different camps when it comes to this story, too many to count but here goes. There's the 'boys will be boys' camp, the 'she gets what she gets for wearing what she wore', the 'a woman should be able to walk around naked and not get harrassed' and then there's the camp I reside in. Harassment should not happen, but I need to live in reality and make sure I behave in an intelligent manner so that I minimize my encounters with it.

I have been harassed, and much worse. I've been sexually assaulted in front of friends, cried out for help and ignored. I've been the victim, and it's a scary place to be. The only story of the many I have is this: I was at a friend's house drinking with friends. A person I didn't know came over, started verbally harassing me, I removed myself from the situation. Then a drinking game started and I sat down. The person reached across the table in front of my guy and girl friends and groped me. I told them to stop and no one did anything. People said I was over-sensitive, that it was my fault because of the fact that I'm not flat chested. I was wearing a cute shirt, but nothing scandalous, nothing overly-revealing. I left the house with my friend at the time and cried the entire way back home. I felt powerless, ashamed that I didn't do more, and embarrassed. I was a wreck. Some people told me it was my fault, and I disagree. I was not flirting with that individual, I wasn't dressed inappropriately, but I was drinking. And therefore it was my fault because he was drinking as well and he couldn't help himself. WRONG. Alcohol is not a carte blanche excuse to behave poorly. Me dressing well or not being flat chested is not an excuse to treat me like anything less than human. Anyone who tells you otherwise, well they need not be your friend, or at least they need not be mine.

That's my story, and it is something of a reality for most women. Stats have been thrown out that some 95% of women will be harassed or assaulted at one point in time. I don't know how accurate that is, but one time is one time too many. No man OR woman should be treated as anything less than human or without dignity and respect. That being said, I do not live in a fairy tale. I know what is realistic and I know what is not. Some say women should be able to walk around naked and not get harassed, assaulted, or raped. They should be able to, but they are not. What is right and what is real aren't always the same, often times they are light years away. Does that mean you stop fighting the good fight? No, but it means you take care of you. It's my right to dress as I want and do what I want within the laws of society. That being said wearing lingerie and walking by myself in a shady part of town isn't smart. It may be my right, but my mother always said, "What's more important, being right or being alive?"

Here's an example. Last year a man in Minneapolis walked out in front of the snowplow. Snow is flying everywhere, the driver did not see the man, but the man technically did have the right of way. Now, that man died after being hit by the snowplow, but he was right. So what is more important to you? Does looking both ways before you cross the street really impede your right as a pedestrian? No, and actually it's your responsibility as a law abiding citizen. So having the right and staying unharmed are your two choices. What do you pick? I pick staying unharmed and alive. But maybe that's just me.

I think what happened to Ines is sad, on many different levels. First and foremost, any person who feels threatened in their workplace should have the right to complain and not be put on trial. We shouldn't be judging her outfits and her behavior and pointing the finger at her. Shouldn't, but do. Second, this sets female reporters in the locker room back. Should it? No. Will it? Yes. So not only has Ines been harassed, she's been critiqued, put on trial, and all the while screwed any female reporter over while doing so. I support her in her claims, she should never be made to feel like anything less than a human being and no one should make her feel uncomfortable at work. That being said there is a reality.

The reality is, no professional work place would allow her to wear what she wears. Wearing lacy tank tops that show off her midriff, arms, etc and jeans that are tighter than tight are not professional. She can wear that in her spare time, and good for her that she looks so amazing. She shouldn't apologize for that. She earned the right to dress however she wants to in her personal life, running to the grocery store, hanging out with friends, going out to bars. But this is her JOB. This is where she is supposed to be professional. Like it or not, people judge us on what we wear. Whether it's dressing professional, dressing provocatively, dressing sloppy, or not caring. People who want to be taken seriously know that their outfit speaks to how they carry themselves, believe in themselves, and whether or not they want to be taken seriously. Telling people that first impressions don't mean a thing is just lying.

One thing to think about is while women are encouraged to dress well to encourage male players to talk to them, they should also do it respectably. There is a way to look good without looking unprofessional. There are plenty of women in power suits that can look sexy. Some of my favorite clothes are work clothes because I feel damn good wearing them, mainly because of how they make me look: Smart, sexy, powerful, and tasteful. I think THAT is sexier than showing up to work in a short skirt and a belly and cleavage bearing shirt. Well, that and I would be asked to change my outfit and my mental sanity for believing this acceptable work attire would be questioned.

So should Ines be on trial for what she wears? No. Are the Jets the ones to blame for their actions? Yes. And unfortunately related, should Ines reconsider her professional wardrobe in the future? Yes. There's no reason she can't rock a skirt suit and nice top while still looking sexy but professional. In the end, this is a mixture of truths: Reality v. what should be. I can choose to ignore reality or I can understand the limitations of my rights and perfect land in a real world situation.